Saturday, February 20, 2010

Home Sweet Home?

January 31.2010

I arrived back in Canada without incident, it was not the joyous homecoming that I usually have as I had a funeral to go to first thing. Since then I have been living with my friend and her kids in their home out in the country. (Without internet) I just realized today that I haven’t really allowed myself to enjoy the benefits of country living, I’ve been so busy I hadn’t even noticed the peacefulness and the quiet, I haven’t once gone for a walk to enjoy the sound of squirrels and birds.....I saw a squirrel out the window once and there must be birds, also saw a fox one day out the window. Most of my time is spent in the basement which is dark and cold like all basements are...hidden from the world it seems, but in this basement there is a special project happening. I am cutting up all my friend’s deceased husbands’ shirts and pants and am making each of the kids a blanket with them. I have cut everything into 7 3/8 squares and then into triangles and am now piecing them together. I have enough triangles to make 2 twin sized blankets and I think there is enough odds and ends pieces to make another blanket for my friend in crazy quilt style. .... She sure did love buying shirts for her husband. I am very excited about this, I made sure I included pieces of shirt pockets and the strips that have the buttons on them because I don’t want it ever to be forgotten that these are his shirts and pants. What makes it even more unique is that he was a painter and every once in a while there is a piece of fabric that has paint splatters on’s who he was and I wanted that to show in the blanket. I will post pictures as soon as I have one blanket top finished, right now it’s just a pile of squares.

The weather has fluctuated from bitterly cold to a little less cold and even to just a regular kind of cold, but just mostly cold. It is shocking that we survive in this and actually even think it normal. I have often tried to explain to my southern friend what it is like when it is -40C, after the thermometer hits -30C it really all feels the same. I think the saving grace to weather like this is the sun, it will usually be very sunny and bright on these cold days which makes it seem not so miserable. If you are inside looking out the window it looks like a beautiful bright sunny day, the trees are all frosted up and are just glistening and shimmering in the sun..... a gorgeous day until you step outside to start your car in the morning, which you plugged in the night before or else it would not start, everyone here has the sickening experience of going out to start the car just have it make a very sickening whining sound. It is so sickening because it sound like the car will die right there and never ever work again and also because you know you should have plugged it in and you want to just bang your head up against the steering wheel to punish yourself for being so’s the same feeling you get when you lock your keys in the car....ever done that? Once started you leave it running for at least a half hour and after that it depend on how much gas you feel you have to spare, it doesn’t seem to matter how long it runs it will still be cold when you get in. Letting the car run is not to benefit you but the car, it lets the engine slowly warm up so that it doesn’t go into cardiac arrest when you hit the road. Even though the engine is finally warm and ready to go the rest of the car is still a frozen block of ice...especially the wheels, imagine your tires as being square, that is exactly how your car feels as you drive to work...thung thung thung thung.......thung thung thung you are driving off you shake your head and wonder again as to why you are living one is forcing you (I hope) is this by choice? Did I choose this? There are places in the world where you don’t need to go through all this......all the way to work I used to wonder “why am I here, what is keeping me here?”  You don’t just have to get yourself to work, 8 hours later you now have to start your car again to get yourself home....same frozen process, unless it has miraculously warmed up suddenly. I did discover 2 years ago that it is possible for me to work here during the summer and spend the winter in Mexico....and that is what I work for now. I am not sure what I used to work for years ago, just because I had to I guess. I never had any particular goal in mind....just going to work everyday like everyone else. Now that I am working so that I can spend the winter in Mexico it makes going to work more enjoyable, it makes putting money in my savings account fun...yes down right fun, it’s like a game much can I squirrel away? How can I cut my cost living here more and more each year? As I started cutting my cost of living more and more I soon realized that life became simpler and simpler, I slowly started decluttering my life...”stuff” became less and less important. I started valuing my old things more because I wanted them to last forever now,  
I try to take better care of my clothes now because I don’t want to replace them, I make sure I don’t lose stuff, like the roll of tape, postage stamps....and other little things that used to send me running to store to just buy another one. I no longer forget that I have a head of lettuce in the crisper or find a box of half eaten stale crackers in the back of the cupboard. It’s easier to keep track of stuff in your house if you only bring in the stuff that you need. Even though I have made great headway in saving money and decluttering I do still have some vices that keep my saving account from reaching it’s absolute max, I love buying books, wool, fabric and I have a whole room of scrapbooking supplies that I haven’t touched in about 2 years. I spend a lot of money on a greenhouse and on building garden beds that I tell myself will pay for it’s self in time. So I am not totally cheap.....yet, but I am slowly getting there.

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