Saturday, June 13, 2015

A shiny bow tie

 I been here for 3 weeks now. The first week was very sad, I felt misplaced, which is different for me. I've traveled a bit and never have I felt like that. I've always felt that I could be dropped off anywhere and I would adapt to my surroundings very easily. I try to do things thoughtfully, mindfully and prayerfully and everything seemed to point me to this golf course even thought I didn't feel I wanted to live here.

The first week I was here I was questioning God and questioning my intuition, the work part was all good and wonderful but living here was feeling wrong. Some people would say "well, you can't have it all". I disagree. You should want it all, you should be able to have it all. If you dream little you will only get a little. God didn't create this big beautiful world for us so we could live a mediocre life in it. He wants us to be awed and amazed at his creation every day,  which in turn will make us want to sing and dance and praise him, which will make our hearts glad and faces beam and shine with love for all things he created, which will pass on to everyone we meet.....human and animals,  and that is how we will all live harmoniously together. Is that asking for too much? Sounds so easy.

I wasn't awed the first week I was here, or the second. I was awed at work but as soon as I got in my car to drive home the awe stopped. I didn't like the drive, the weather wasn't great, not enough sun, too many people on the road, can't ever just walk to the store, and the never ending hay fields made me sad, even the cattle farms made me sad (cows trample trees) I was mad at cows for killing all the trees here, blaming them for all the windy pathetic do I sound? Then someone told me that seeing a butterfly here is rare because of all the crop spraying the farmers do here......imagine the sadness then, that almost sent me packing. 
Then of course there are all my very close fellow campers that can all see into my glamper if I ever forget to close a gingham curtain.....this bothered me BIG TIME. Why does this bother me. My wonderful neighbours in my little house on Stone Island are all about as nosy as it gets, they don't take their eye off me, I have no privacy there, and it doesn't bother me and I love them all. Why does it bother me here? Clearly it's me, it's not the place. I realized this the second week, that I am the problem, I cannot blame the cows for my hardened heart...and for the lack of butterflies.

Do I need to change my heart? Nope. I needed to get down to my soul, and my soul belongs to God. I needed to forget my heart, the heart is deceiving and can be swayed by almost anything, I needed to  get down to my soul. That's where the real you is. The world changes and messes with your heart all the time, but your soul stays true to who you are. I needed to let my soul connect with my surroundings.
I know......I usually don't blabber about deep stuff like this....sorry, but I was really really having a bad time, I had to get deep.

Once I stopped thinking that this move may have been a mistake and that the problem was me and not the cows I slowly started to connect, which I didn't feel at first until one fabulous weekend.

A friend called me up in the morning and asked if I wanted to go for a drive to Drumheller to a car show. Maybe you don't know this but I love love old cars....they have character  and style.....just like glampers. I had heard of Drumheller but had never been there. Drumheller is home to the Alberta badlands, and I had never been there. We drove down in a 1931 ratrod that still had a bee nest on the ceiling,  we had the windows opens, we spun our tires (a burnout) on every wooden bridge we crossed and talked and laughed. We stopped at all antique and thrift stores and of course ohhhed and awwwed at all the pretty shiny cars at the show. And over and over we said "they just don't make cars like this anymore". 
  My soul connected that weekend. 

I do love that Chevy bow tie

All dressed up with a shiny bow tie

This was m y ride for the day..... it was so fun

So fitting that it had a bee nest

At a car show the spectators vote for best car, this was very hard but I choose this I didn't even vote for my own ride. shhhh

You can't go wrong with a shiny red Chevy.

The rat rod surrounded by bikes. 
What!? You blaming me for your unhappiness? Get over another hamburger. 
I believe I have made peace with this place.


Suzanne said...

Oh, Maria, what a wonderful post that resonated with me on so many levels. I agree, we CAN have it all, which makes it that much more frustrating for those of us who believe we are co-creators with the Divine!

I try to "bloom where I am planted," but it is sure not easy these days. So I understand your love/hate relationship with the cows. ;-)

So glad you were able to find a whiff of bliss amidst the shiny bow ties!

Barbara Lane said...

I love this. Love your "going deep". You speak the truth. I think more and more these days we have to go deep to find and stay in harmony. Keeping the energy balanced takes constant tweaking. Meanwhile had I been to that car show (were any for sale?) I'd have been figuring how to fit one into my dream life. I love them too (mostly the trucks actually) and that's the last thing I need. :)

Contessa said...

Great post mi amiga. Your deepness is appreciated. Loved your ride to the car show. FYI my Dad was from Drumheller and I spent many summers there. Very interesting area.