Thursday, December 25, 2014

Where Have I Been?MY

I'm baaack! Oh my it's been so long. I have only one reason for being absent, work. From the time my plane hit the ground in Edmonton to the time it took off again it was all work. Crazy work. So get a cup of tea/coffee/wine whatever you fancy and let me spin you a tale.

I noticed the last month that I was in Mexico last winter that I wasn't feeling right up to snuff, something was off, not off enough to go to a doctor. Sometimes a nagging head ache which I blamed on my swimming goggles (I learned how to swim and boogie board), sometimes just not very energetic, sometimes a fever, sometimes constipated (yeah in Mexico, that's really off) and yet sometimes not. It was cold in Chihuahua, thought maybe I'd caught a flu bug. Day before I left Mexico I was covered in a very fine rash, then I knew something was up, but no time to go see a doctor, I would wait until I got home......this was my big mistake.

It took 2 weeks to get in to see the doctor, by then I had done my own research and had diagnosed myself as having Dengue fever, doctors hate it when you diagnose yourself. During the course of 3 more weeks I had 3 doctors, all of which had to goggle Dengue fever. After a blood test it was confirmed that I did indeed, to their surprise (not mine) have Dengue fever. Now they don't know what to do with me, except monitor my blood to make sure I am not bleeding to death internally. Meanwhile i am working  my ass off breathing life back into a frozen and dead golf course after a brutal winter. Working long hours. Not to bore you with all my whining, let's just say I slowly and quietly suffered for about 4 months, I dragged myself to work and back each day. Everything around me suffered as well, my yard, my beautiful garden, and my house. Here is the surprising part, I didn't care. I didn't care to work in my garden or my greenhouse.

 It was clearly time for a change, a big change, one that I had been thinking of for awhile but just wasn't ready for. I no longer needed a big house, a big yard, a big garden, I need to simplify my life. To hurry this along for you, I bought the prefect little 19 ft holiday trailer (a glamper), I searched online and held out for the prefect one (this took all summer) and it's a beauty, a 1974 Squire, bought from the original owners. It was love at first sight. I sold/donated most of my "stuff", aside from a small chest stored in a friend's shed full of some "worldly treasures" my life now fits into my little 19ft glamper. I am so proud of myself that I managed to do this without buying a shed or rent a storage unit and it was easier than I thought. The more I got rid of the more freeing it felt and the more I wanted to get rid of. I had to totally clean my house which was very cleansing and therapeutic. I learned so much about myself.

I was living in the past, mourning my broken marriage and my child growing up and moving out. I couldn't believe it. I was not mourning my x-husband....gosh no, I was mourning the marriage, I hadn't moved on from being married and having a child to raise to being single, to living alone. I hadn't embraced being single.  Single people don't have a deep freeze full of food, single people don't have 30 jars of salsa or 25 jars of tomatoes sauce or 30 jars of jam in the pantry. They don't have boxes of teddy bears in the shed, or old hockey equipment for a 7 year old. they don't have dishes in the cupboard for 20 people, they don't have 20 containers of pumpkin sauce in the freezer (nobody does) and they don't have a 3 bedroom house with 2 bathroom and a huge "rec room". When I say this was easy I don't mean that I didn't cry, oh I cried buckets of tears as I came across all kinds of treasures. All kinds of tears. Things were dealt with though, dealt with so that I no longer need to hang on to a house full of crap. I Learned that I don't have to hang on to a box of my child's teddy bears, getting rid of them does not mean I am a bad mother, I learned that I don't have to keep living in this house, my child is not coming back to sleep in her old room, I can move, I can leave, and I don't have to hang on to her stuff anymore, stuff that she doesn't even want. Single people do not store other people's stuff, other people store their stuff.

It was a hard summer, it was a summer of tears, nostalgic tears, tears of work frustrations, tears of fear of change, ghost tears of the past, tears of pain from the present, tears of tiredness,  and the cleansing tears of finally letting go, and lets not forget tears of guilt, guilt for not being able to keep up with everything.

And if all that wasn't enough, I also quit my job (gasp), I finished the season and then resigned. I spent 9 years at that golf course, leaving that beautiful place brought a few buckets of tears too. I won't bore you with my reasons for leaving. Member....this space is never to be about work. It was also just time.

So, come spring time I will searching for a new golf course and a place to park my home on wheels. Right now it is safely stored at a friend's farm.  Stick around, life is about to get very very interesting. I am finally really single and totally free. Free of baggage.  So.......I booked a ticket to Turkey and Jordan and Mexico. Yup, that's quite a trip. Stick around and I will tell you all about it.

 But first, I spent some time with my kids. My first grandchild almost makes me cry every time I see him, he is the exact imagine of my daughter at his age. Not only does he look like her, he acts like her, talks like her and this may sound weird, when I touch him or carry him he feels like her, he has her bones structure and carries his weight just like her. My second grandson has her nose and her smile but he is built differently, he will decide who he is and by the looks of him, will beat his own drum and make up his own songs as he goes. These 2 little darlings melt my heart.

So, now, hang on, right after Halloween we're going to Turkey.....I hear they have good food there. 

My new home, everything I own fits in here. 

I did discover paddle boarding, bought a board and had time to put it in the water 3 times, enough to know it will be a new hobby. In looking for a new job and a place to park my new home I will be making sure there is a body of water close to paddle. 

This little man has stolen my heart. 

Did you ever see a cuter face

This guy can't stop smiling, he is adorable like his big brother

Hanging out after a hard summer, relaxing. 

Halloween, this little man shares his grandma"s love of all things green....including John Deeres

Seeing as I will not be back to this golf course I figured it was fitting to add some last golf us turfies, we call it "golf porn". While this space is never supposed to be about work, a part of my job is who I am.

Stick around, we"re going to Turkey


Rob said...

Wow! Awesome and good for you! Write more soon please!

Brenda Maas said...

Holy mackerel. What a big change, enjoy it to the max!

Suzanne said...

Oh, WOW! What a surprise! I can't believe you went nomadic! Isn't it the greatest sense of freedom to get rid of all that "stuff?" I haven't missed one thing in two years of living full time in my Winnie.

Wish I had known you were going through this, I would have sent moral support... Congratulations on your great achievement!

Mary Klassen said...

"nomadic" I knew there was a more romantic word for it that "gypsy". THanks Suzanne, I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want anyone to try to talk me out of it or talk me in to it. I wanted it all to come from within.
Brenda and Rob thanks for sticking around.

Contessa said...

Change is good but this is major change. Good for you and for looking deep within. Wishing you much success with your future.